After experiencing infidelity, it is common to have triggers that bring up feelings of pain and hurt.  Anything, including certain scenes in a movie or a sporting event, an unexpected phone call, an email, or even a text message, can jog memories or perceptions of the betrayal and set off a strong emotional reaction. You may be feeling flashbacks, excessive worry, and memories if your lover has betrayed you by cheating or having an affair.

Some common triggers of flashbacks and intrusive recollections after infidelity betrayal includes:

Triggers for betrayal trauma

1. Seeing or hearing from the person who cheated:

   Seeing or hearing from the person who cheated may bring up feelings of betrayal and pain. It can be challenging to go past the shock, anger, sorrow, and sadness that come with discovering your partner has been unfaithful. Some cheating partners say they’ve had recollections and flashbacks relating to the affair.  It’s possible that sexually explicit movie scenes can trigger unwanted fantasies. A word like “loyalty” in a patriotic speech can set off a chain reaction of disturbing memories about your cheating spouse.

2. Reminders of the infidelity:

   Seeing or hearing about things that remind you of the infidelity, such as the place where the infidelity took place or certain songs or activities, may be triggering.  A burn victim’s automatic reaction to feeling heat when holding their hand can be compared to the surge of negative feelings that might be triggered by the return of intimacy, trust, love, or compassion following a close relationship’s betrayal.

3. Anniversaries or special occasions:

   Holidays or other special occasions that you used to share with your partner may be particularly painful if they were around the time of the infidelity. Any clue that has been associated with the infidelity, whether consciously or subconsciously, can cause a flashback. Intensely upsetting flashbacks often occur without any prior notice. Everyday life is a minefield of exploding triggers for the traumatised person. And it doesn’t take much to set it off: the first whiff of autumn’s burning leaves, a busy signal on the phone, or Thanksgiving dinner.

4. Experiencing similar situations:

   Seeing others go through similar situations or hearing about infidelity in the media may trigger feelings of pain and hurt.  Spending time with the cheating partner, hearing romantic music or reading love stories, or simply not hearing from the other person can all bring up painful memories. The pain of a loved one’s betrayal can be profound. Images, feelings, and recollections related to the traumatic incident can become repetitive and bothersome afterward. Imagined scenes might become disturbing at times. For instance, a husband may find an unknown number on a phone bill, which may remind him of the affair’s mysterious calls and generate a flood of feelings about his wife’s infidelity. If the woman is unaware of this series of events, her husband’s emotions may seem unexplainable, which may make her question their recovery from the affair. 

   If the cheating partner used business trips, visits to sick relatives, or attendance at educational events as cover for extramarital affairs, the betrayed partner may experience flashbacks. Any couple in recovery who must be apart for future trips must make preparations for maintaining communication and feeling secure in their relationship.

5. Stress or other negative emotions:

   When you are under a lot of stress or experiencing other negative emotions, you may be more sensitive to triggers and more likely to feel pain and hurt after infidelity. Write down on a sheet of paper a succinct description of an experience from your recent past that served as a catalyst for your anger or resentment.

Read also : What are the long term effects of being cheated on?

How long does the feeling of betrayal last? How long does betrayal last?

Feelings of betrayal can linger for a long time, and their intensity can vary from person to person. A betrayal can affect people in different ways; some may be able to move on quickly, while others may need more time. Healing from betrayal is a process, and everyone experiences it in their own way and at their own pace.

Feelings of betrayal can linger for varying amounts of time depending on the individual. Several variables, such as the nature of the relationship, the victim’s coping skills, and the amount of support they receive, can affect this. Traumatized partners who are working through the aftermath of an unfathomable act of treachery committed by a loved one have an obsessive need to hear the tale told in its entirety, including all of the story’s most minute details.
Healing from the mental and emotional wounds of betrayal can be a slow process. Depending on the severity of the betrayal, it may take weeks, months, or even years for the wounds to heal.

A person’s relationships, career, sense of self-worth, and other aspects of their life can all be negatively affected by the betrayal they have experienced. It has the potential to alter their views on love, trust, and value in general.

Bear in mind that recovery is not a straight line and may include slips and relapses. Keep in mind that you need to be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to recover. It’s also important to reach out for help from people you trust, whether they’re friends, family, or professionals. Please be patient with yourself and give yourself the space and time you need to deal with the betrayal and begin the healing process.

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If you are not sure if they are cheating or not then read : What are signs of betrayal in a relationship?

Signs of betrayal trauma

How do you know if you have betrayal trauma?

Betrayal trauma, or the emotional and psychological distress caused by an unfaithful partner, can take many forms. Betrayal trauma can manifest in a variety of ways.

1. Difficulty trusting others:

   The trauma of betrayal can make it hard to trust others in the future, making it challenging to form connections and relationships. Having experienced betrayal, one may now view all people with suspicion and worry that they will also be betrayed in the future. The fear of being hurt again can lead someone who has experienced the trauma of betrayal to be overly alert or cautious in certain situations. The betrayed party may become hypervigilant, or overly suspicious of others, in an attempt to protect themselves from further hurt or betrayal.

2. Anxiety due to betrayal trauma :

   Having experienced betrayal trauma can make you anxious, fearful, and panicky in future situations where you may experience similar emotions.  Experiencing these emotions as a result of the betrayal is normal, and may even cause physical symptoms like sleeplessness and a loss of appetite.

3. Flashbacks due to iNfidelity triggers:

   One symptom of betrayal trauma is having vivid memories of the event, or flashbacks. Having trouble putting the betrayal out of one’s mind and having upsetting memories of it pop up unexpectedly are two common reactions to having one’s trust violated.

4. Avoidance from normal things:

   When someone is having trouble recovering from betrayal trauma, they may start avoiding certain people, places, or situations. The hurt party might try to shield themselves from painful reminders of the betrayal by avoiding the people, places, and events that bring back unpleasant memories.

5. May feel Depress :

   Feelings of sadness, loss, and low self-esteem can result from the trauma of betrayal.

6. Anger:

   Feelings of anger and resentment toward the person who betrayed them are common reactions to the trauma of betrayal.

7. Emotional dysregulation:

   The betrayed individual may struggle to control their strong feelings of anger, sadness, and abandonment.

8. Self-blame and guilt:

   One possible reaction to being betrayed is to place blame for the incident on oneself and to feel guilty because the victim was helpless to stop it.

9. Damage in self-esteem:

   Betrayal can lower self-esteem by making a person feel unlovable and unworthy of respect.

Every person is unique, and the effects of betrayal trauma can take many forms. Help from a medical professional is recommended if you or someone you know is exhibiting these symptoms. Talking to a therapist or counsellor can help you work through the trauma and learn how to cope with it in the future.

How does the betrayer feel?

Ways betrayal trauma alters the mind and body:

Depending on the circumstances, the infidelity perpetrator (or “betrayer”) may feel a wide range of emotions. Feelings of guilt, shame, regret, confusion, anger, and sadness may all surface in the traitor.  Because of the intensity of these feelings, the betrayer may find it difficult to deal with what they’ve done. Because of the trust betrayal, they may also feel a sense of loss, betrayal, and confusion. They might feel relieved or liberated by their infidelity, but then they might beat themselves up for having those emotions. Some degree of fear is also possible, especially if they worry about being discovered or losing the relationship. They may also experience stress, anxiety, and depression. As a result, they may experience emotional and relational ambiguity.   Keep in mind that the betrayer’s feelings can be nuanced and that everyone’s encounter with infidelity is unique. They may need help processing what has happened and understanding their own emotions. When the betrayer experiences difficulty processing their feelings, it is important for them to reach out for help from a therapist or counsellor.

Read more on How to get past infidelity triggers:

It is important to remember that triggers are normal after infidelity, and it is possible to work through them with effort and support. If you are struggling to cope with triggers after infidelity, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or iNfidelity counselor who can help you work through your emotions and find healthy ways to cope.